Ordinary Longings

Who Am I ?

2012-02-07T04:50:00.001+08:00

I tend to ask myself this question a lot . And sometimes , when I think I know the answer , I end up being wrong again .

How hard could it possibly be ? It's a simple question , 3 words , and only 6 letters , (half of which are consonants , mind you) . But oh my , what a brain wrecking , 6-lettered question it is .

I've lived with myself for a little over 19 years , and really I don't think I could say anyone knows me better than I know myself . But then when I'm lying alone on my bed wide awake at 5 in the morning , I'd say otherwise .

What am I ? Who am I ? What do I want really ?

x

Painful

2012-01-31T04:49:00.001+08:00

GOODNIGHT ! :)

"Somebody That I Used To Know"

2012-01-18T02:14:00.001+08:00

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

And I don't wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

And you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody(I used to know)

Somebody(Now you're just somebody that I used to know) [x2]

I live in so much regret , and it's killing me .

I swear it's killing me .

A Little Late, is Better Than Never?

2012-01-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

And so to everyone who was part of my 2011 , I love you all . More than words can say .

Jal Ja

2012-01-05T22:31:00.001+08:00

I am sorry . I will miss you . I do miss you . But I hope you have a good life . Goodbye .

Goodbye

2012-01-01T04:21:00.001+08:00

Before I die of exhaustion , I'd like to take the time to write down so I never forget that today was amazing . Not because of what I did , but because of who it was spent with . And although the end of 2011 was pretty rough , I am always grateful for the people who have come this far with me , shared in my experiences , and have been a part of my life . I thank God that I have all of you . I also want to thank God for his mercy and grace that's been with me throughout the year . 2011 has been amazing , even if I didn't achieve everything I wanted to , and even if lots of tears and sweat was shed . 2012 , look out !!

x

Crash

2011-12-30T15:37:00.001+08:00

So , 2011 is almost over and so are my holidays . I am very sad to see it go . Not only because when 2012 rears it's ugly head , I will be in my last years of teenagedom , but also because I'm scared that the further I get from 2011 , the further I get from the people who left me behind and my memories with them . And yes , I know what you're thinking : why would you want to stay close to memories of people who left you ? I will not explain that here , but I do have a good reason .

So much has happened in this year . I thought I was mature enough to handle my 18th year of living without getting into too much trouble , but boy was I wrong . And although I feel ancient (at 18, mind you) , i was reminded that I still have a long way to go , and for the first time in a long time , I made mistakes So big , it feels like I won't ever really stop regretting them .

Sigh . I really don't want 2011 to end .

Not So Very Merry

2011-12-25T03:35:00.001+08:00

Would you laugh if I told you I was scared that I would never find anyone else I could relate to as well as you ?? Because right now , that's exactly how I feel . I am scared .

メリークリスマス 

Infinity

2011-12-18T00:09:00.002+08:00

Thank you for sticking with me , through thick and thin , through the emo , and the shallow , through the happy and the insane , through the judgemental , and sinful . I love you guys , and I love this blog . I think it's followed me and gotten me through some really bad times and some really low times . So , for all of your who've been faithful to my blog , and have taken time out of your busy lives to read my thoughts and understand me , my thousandth post is dedicated to you . Thank you for being a part of my life , even if I may not know all of you personally . I appreciate it .

Thank you for being there .

Paradise

2011-12-15T02:07:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of all this thinking . I want to be happy . I want to be content . I want you .

You and I

2011-12-14T00:07:00.001+08:00

Momo is back in my arms . Life is that much easier .

edit: I take it back . I am filled with so much regret . I'm sorry .

Forgive Me

2011-12-09T04:29:00.001+08:00

For the things I am about to say . But I hope you get hurt . And I hope it's so bad you wake up every morning and the emptiness hits you like a tidal wave and you realise that you are alone and the person who said he loved you has left and doesn't want you anymore . I hope your heart aches so badly that your body feels the pain . I hope you wake up in the morning with no more purpose , or will to live . I hope you cry yourself to sleep every night until your eyes are swollen all the time and it hurts to do so , and when you are alone , I hope your mind will not stop replaying moments that make your heart shatter into a million pieces and shoves your stomach up your throat . I hope you feel so much loss and grief that nothing satisfies you and you are forever lost and lonely . I hope you lose the most important thing to you to another person . I hope you realise when you look at yourself in the mirror that you are nothing . I hope you feel 1008374649373x worse than I felt when I was at my lowest .

&I hope you break .

I Thought I Saw Your Face Today

2011-12-07T23:52:00.001+08:00

I'd like to go back to being 7 again because honestly , I think I am the stupidest 8teen year old in the world . What is wrong with me and my mind . I think I'm just going to go do my work like a mindless human drone now . Why did I ever allow this to happen to myself ?! WHY ?!

Drown

2011-12-05T19:26:00.001+08:00

Quietly in her corner, she sits, watching,waiting. Her insides are black, and her fingertips are stained with scorn. Malicegleams evidently in her still eyes and her mouth spews unforgiveness. She watches, and when the moment is right,she rears her head, reaches out, and takes hold. I cannot fight back. Herfingers are hardened by years of disdain, and her skin is covered in scales madeof spite. She wraps herself around me and I suffocate.

Love-lee

2011-12-04T22:45:00.001+08:00

Thank you for caring :)

Dead

2011-12-03T04:23:00.001+08:00

Almost dead . Spent the day taking Lewis and his friend , Miles around KL , then headed back in the rain with Gynn and Rachell . Did work at home and then the boys came over again to spend a bit of time together before Lew goes off to vietnam for his back packing thingy . I am dead tired . And you should Be able to tell By the layout of this post . Goodnight .

x

Twisting and Turning

2011-12-01T19:59:00.001+08:00

People here have been asking about you , because they notice your absence . Can you imagine what I feel when you're not around ? On the other hand though , Lewis and Jonneh are home . I feel somewhat happy .

I Am Dying Everyday Waiting For You

2011-12-01T01:47:00.001+08:00

I would love to be a cat . A fat , lazy , fluffy cat that sits around the house sleeping in the warmest sun spots , and curling my toes in the cutest manner possible . People would adore me , and I would bask in the glory . My life would be easy . I would eat , sleep , and wake up everyday . My heart would not ever get broken by stupid careless boys that need to learn to grow up , and there would be no siblings and parents to fight and argue and disagree with . I would not have to dress up everyday for fear of being unaccepted , and ugly , or feel fat in the clothing I chose . I would scratch and claw at all the furniture I wanted to , and not get reprimanded , for the fact that I am fluffy and cute . I would not cry myself to sleep every night , and wake up feeling the empty hole in my chest . I would not have to open facebook or twitter , and die a little inside everytime I saw a comment or photo of a certain someone . I would not have to pretend not to care that I no longer have that person as a friend , or communicate with them . I would not have to wait and wait and wait for my turn . I would be happy and content and full with my sun spots , and fluffy toes , and swishy tail . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy . I would be happy .

But I am not a cat . I am a human being , and I am extremely unhappy , because the only thing I want most in the entire world right now , I cannot have .

And even though I won't , I hope you all have a happy December

Move Along

2011-11-30T22:43:00.001+08:00

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking,
When you fall , everyone stands,
Another day and you've had your share of sinking ,
With the life held in your
Hands are shaken cold,
These hands are meant to hold...
--

I am so tired . Of responsibility , of life , if college , of trying so hard to be happy all the time , and of thinking . Especially of thinking . I just want to sleep .

I want to sleep forever .

x

Details, Details, You Breathe in When I Exhale

2011-11-29T00:08:00.001+08:00

I would sail across the east sea

Just to see you on the far side

Where the wind is cold and angry

There you'll be to take me inside

We'll find ways to fill the empty

Far from all the hysteria

I don't care if we suddenly

Find ourselves in Siberia

{Lights

It's another day , another day , another day . I told my mother I wanted to sleep forever , and she replied with "I hope that doesn't mean you want to kill yourself ." I hesitated before telling her that I am too squeamish to do anything that dramatic . And it's true , because I was actually thinking more along the lines of of sleeping forever . And by that I mean , falling into a coma , and being stuck in happy happy dreamland until I wake up 2 years later , and find out that all my common enemies have been killed in a tragic balloon animal accident , and that I am now free to live my new life as the ruler of the world and eat everything I want to eat without gaining a pound :) Oh , look . I've already started my transition into dreamland ! And I didn't even have to be in a coma .

Why Cry

2011-11-28T01:18:00.001+08:00

You know something wonderful

will always happen.

It always does.

Know what I mean?

Like how

you just opened the window

and the warm breeze

wrapped itself

around your neck.

It will happen again.

It always does.

-Julie O'Callaghan

MIFW is over . I am relieved . It was one helluva week , but I enjoyed myself very much . Time to get back to work , I guess . On a happier note , Chan is back tomorrow , and then Lewis , this coming Wednesday . Oh , joyy . And I am saying that in complete genuine happiness . All the bits and pieces of my second family are coming home !

Running in the Rain

2011-11-27T19:40:00.001+08:00

Today was spent rushing from PJ to KL to unexpected long lunches and then dressing up the prettiest children in the sweetest clothing , running around in the rain , getting drenched and cold and laughing about it , lining up to eat breaded chicken with no plates or eating utensils , even after having 2 hot dogs . I almost felt something positive for awhile :)

elephant sitting-

Wearing a pretty dress, doesn't guarantee you will feel pretty.
Having alot of people around you, is sometimes the time that you will feel the most lonely.
Wearing heels hurts really noone other than yourself. But then when the heels are what your feet sit on, you almost always feel the need to keep on smiling like it doesn't bother you as much as it might.
& that is one of the thing I find the hardest when it comes to being a girl.
,
-in a bird's nest.

Burning

2011-11-26T21:13:00.001+08:00

I am slowly sinking . Sinking deep into the mass of colours , and the buzzing voices that swim in my head .I am drowning . Drowning in the music , and the lights , and the people . I am overwhelmed . Overwhelmed by this life , and my emotions , and the lack of purpose .

Somebody , save me , please .

Moving Forward

2011-11-24T18:35:00.001+08:00

Thank you , Vonn for that extremely lovely , eye opening post . Love you .also , has anyone ever told blogger to come up with a damn official app ?!x

I Dare

2011-11-24T02:09:00.001+08:00

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here

Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is hereTension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

-Switchfoot

Insatiable

2011-11-24T00:14:00.001+08:00

MIFW YODA gala night

I am being crushed ; I am being sufforcated by all these thoughts and feelings that will not let me be at peace . I am terrified and alone , from the moment I open my eyes in the morning , to the second before my mind slips away into black unconsciousness as I toss and turn uneasily in my bed at night . Other than these incessant thoughts that plague my meaningless consciousness , I am alone .

I feel so empty , and nothing I do or say makes walking through life this way bearable . I dread having to come home from college everyday , because I know when I do , there will be nothing and no one to distract me from reality and my thoughts , and they will eat me alive . Because , when I get home , I remember that I am alone , and that I have nothing .

I have nothing , and it scares me .

I don't want to have to live life if my existence is going to be this meaningless . I can't live life if it's going to be this meaningless .

It's Mifa , Bitches

2011-11-21T23:24:00.001+08:00

First day of Fashion week is over , and I am drained , and still feeling as empty as ever , because everyone knows there's only so long before the glamour and lights can capture your attention . But I have to admit , it was a spectacular first day . Back to my extremely empty reality . Until the next show , that is :)

(if you didn't notice , that's actually me , Rachell , and Gynn in the photo above)

Also , can anyone tell me when boy bands suddenly became cool again ?

MIFW All Over Again

2011-11-21T03:13:00.001+08:00

So , aside from being absolutely miserable , and tired , and crazy busy , today marks the beginning of Malaysian International Fashion Week , and I for one , am excited . Why ? Well , because I get to play Serena Van der Woodsen for a week of course ! I feel like I'm living in my almost real fantasy world . Which gives me a break from reality . So I say , bring on the Malaysian fashion .

Also , since my classmates are show casing their works , I'm here to show my support !

All the best , Sam & Harvee .

Also , I'd like to thank everyone who's been there for me all this while . You guys know who you are , and I am so grateful for all of you and your time and effort and friendship . I love you all very much . And you , especially . I love you very much . Still and always . And even if I say otherwise , I hope you don't forget it , because you are my world .

I love you , so much .
And that is why I'm going to try to let go .

I Fell Apart,

2011-11-07T23:42:00.001+08:00

But got back up again ,

and then I fell apart ,

but got back up again , yeah .

This photo pretty much describes how I'm feeling right now . I wish I we stronger . I'm sorry I'm not . I'm sorry for everything .

I Believe in Nothing

2011-10-30T23:55:00.001+08:00

Just admit it , I don't matter to you anymore .

If You Knew

2011-10-28T22:31:00.003+08:00

If you knew how I felt , I wonder if you would stop for me .

I hope you hurt so much more than I hurt for you .

Stitched

2011-10-19T23:12:00.002+08:00

Sabrina's iPhone cover has this massive beadazzled Stitch stuck to the back of it . It stands up right when you put it down , and doesn't stay flat on the table . Also , I stole all of her clubbing music , so I can party rock alone in my room until my Unifi comes in 2 weeks time , which I am excited about , if you didn't know . Also , my second roll of film is now developed , scanned , and out on Facebook . Go take a look , if you're my friend ;)
I was going to blog about how my fingers were frozen but ended up not frozen , and my toes became sweaty because I put on my favourite pair of red teddy socks , but I got too distracted by my hot (literally) feet that I can't remember what I was going to say about my frozen fingers and sweaty toes . Huh . I guess I'll just have to keep that bit for another time , then .
Oh , one more little piece of information that's complete useless to you guys , unless you're stalking me , I am excited for Halloween . No , not the celebration itself , but the fact that I get to dress up as something I don't usually get to dress up as on the other 364 days of the year . Can you guys guess what I'm going as ? No ? I'll give you a hint :

:3

How about now ?

Sorry for your loss , Shar . We're here for you if you need us , always ♥

Almost Content

2011-10-18T15:38:00.002+08:00

Sitting in Starbucks freezing my limbs off , reseaching Hubert de Givenchy's past collections and coming up with 480325870257 photos of Audrey Hepburn , and although I am falling asleep on my chair and my eyes are swollen shut , life is good this way .

x

Torn

2011-10-13T22:04:00.005+08:00

I know this is for the best ,

But my heart doesn't seem to understand that at all .

Thank you , for being the best I've ever had .

love , the other pie .

Don't Be Mad

2011-10-09T17:55:00.002+08:00

I would blog , but I don't think my thoughts would make much sense right now .

Everyday I'm Partying :)

2011-09-20T02:00:00.001+08:00

Finals week is here and I think everybody is going just a little bit crazy . I can't wait for this Friday man :) And mummy's back from her eurotrip this Saturday !! Although I must admit that I am sad that my short lived freedom has been good , I would much prefer the warm and happiness of mummy's soft hugs and her never ending cashflow for my shopping . HEEHEE :D I'd upload more photos , but since i"m scrounging internet off of my dad celcom wireless broadband thingy , I don't think it's gonna happen any time SOON .

Doubled Over

2011-09-04T23:31:00.000+08:00

one) finally bought my milky lipstick , and found out that I grabbed the wrong colour . It's a shade or two lighter than I wanted ): Boohoo ): two) horrid jelly beans I had in class . You pick one and hope it's not the bad tasting counterpart of the flavour . Ooouuugghhh D: three) presenting our doll products in class . That's sharinna's hat , and Emily's wig :) four) dinner at Canoodling with my groupmates , and some FMM students :) 5) my brother's definition of hanging out : four boys playing violent PSP games next to each other .

zoe

Hello.

2011-08-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

It's night time , and I'm having one of those , deep in thought moments , which are never a good thing because they result in one) sleepless nights , two) long draggy blog posts that no one really understands , three) emo songs being repeated on Momo . I'll probably have to go with option number one , or three though , because Mr. Brain isn't really up to thinking of emo words to string together or constructing spirit breaking sentences . I had to respell the word construct in the last sentence 3 times before I got it right . Sigh . That's how tired I am . Just a quick update tho , in the last couple of days that I've been gone due to the sad fact that my modem got struck by lighting (for the 3rd time , yeah) , I went for chicpop , got myself a UWS film camera (I only have one more shot left to take before I can go process my films ! EXCITED OHOHO !) which I am going to name gumdrop , for the very fact that lemon gumdrops are yellow ? er yeah.. also , I got hired (I am now working in an image consultant agency as a.. image consultant.. in training ? Yeah , i'm so cool 8D) , and am so tired my eyelids refuse to keep apart ):

We're going nowhere

It's That Time of the Year Again !

2011-08-20T03:35:00.000+08:00

chicPOP 9 tomorrow with the bro's , Amy , & Brad ! And then later on whoever I bump into while I'm there :D EXCITED !

I'm Done

2011-08-19T02:18:00.000+08:00

one) Party night out and about town with my girls :) A night filled with bottles of free drinks , dead cockroaches (cringe) , fisheye lens-ed photos , and aching muscles . I had myself some fun there . two) Students are always talking about how my college is haunted , but then they didn't realise that the girl that haunts the college isn't a ghost . HAHA ! That's my classmate , Sam :) And I thought it'd be a funny photo to take and edit up . three) went for a go see on wednesday to model for some corporate wear , and ended up getting a job ! So yes , I work for a image consultant agency now ! And according to my boss , she wants me to be a designer , and design some corporate wear , which I am not at all interested in , but it guess.. it's experience ?? the photos are of her studio , where I'll be working ! four) my cats kill me with cuteness , gawd . five) some random things I managed to pick up at a street market that my college was holding :) All the proceeds went to children in cambodia , or something like that :O

until next time , さよならとおやすみ！

Love You Like..

2011-08-16T00:51:00.003+08:00

CAN ANYONE LOOK AT THIS AND NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I LOVE CATS SO MUCH ?!!?!?!?

And , Elie Saab never fails to make my heart shatter with his gorgeous designs . And that's the feeling that made me want to do what I do ! :) So that maybe in the future , I'll be able to make clothes that people feel that way too !

Party night out with my girls :D It's a shame I'll never be able to say "party night out w my bro's" tho , since Vonn refuses ):

Trina's fake Berry . I TOTES THOUGHT IT WAS A BERRY , BUT THEN SHE TOOK OFF THE COVER , AND I WAS LIKE , WTF IT'S NOT A BB MAN !! D:

Meatballs ;)

40 sketches to go T_T

goodnight , people . My blog is past dying , and done with dead , it's now in the process of decomposing .

The Devious Book For Cats

2011-07-21T14:08:00.002+08:00

So just a quick update before I start on my assignments , because quick updates are all I ever do nowadays *shame*

I've been down with the flu these last couple of days , which actually really sucks . And I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about . It's gotten much better today though , so I hope it stays that way . Been drowning myself in medication , drinking loads of water , and sleeping like a piggy :)

Woke up early this morning for an eyebrow appointment , and got there half an hour late , because that's my slogan.. early to bed , late to rise , makes for a late appointment .

I don't really know what that was , but just go with it .

Bought myself a cup of hot green tea , which I was so excited to drink wth , and a mini sultana roll . I ended up spilling half the green tea in my car , (which is named Jeff , after a friend's dad) and then later when I got home , the other half on myself . I am so awesome :)

College lately has been rather chilled , compared to the previous terms , now that I am done with Production classes for the next 6 months :O

Maatin & I in FComm :D

Assignment for sketching :)

Vanessa's porridge farewell :)

HIV/AIDs awareness in class .

This sexy lady walked into class , pulled out a wooden penis and put a condom on it like a PRO :D

Annette and I in Textiles :)

I am actually really content with life as it is now . Not that I would want it to stay this way forever , I'm just grateful that I am alive and not extremely obese with acne and/or boy troubles and I don't blog everyday about how I'm dying inside and want to jump off the side of a building :)

Then again..

Ha-ha :D

Swimming w the bros a couple saturdays ago :) It was good . And I ached . In many places all at once :) There are also lack of photos because my friends thought we were too unglam to be taken photos of . Which was actually true , when I think back .

So , there were photos after , and before swimming :)

Another thing that was worth taking photos of was this :) The sexiest way to hang laundry eveeeerrr !! :)

I took this photo Cause it looks like my dog got squished like a cockroach under my dad's car , and I thought it looked really funny.. in a totally morbid and terrible way that shouldn't be laughed at :O Yeah , I think it was pretty hot that day and everyone was just like blehh .

Okayh , so to close off my short update post , my friends and I have been chosen to participate in a styling competition this Saturday !

It'll be held at Parkson Pavilion from 2 - 4 PM . I hope to see you guys there , because your support will be very much appreciated :) We will be competing against some popular bloggers and some really hot chicks , so we'll need each and every single one of you guys to help us out ! ): There's a team of my classmates that are participating as well , so do come !!

Love .

baaaaaggg

2011-06-29T00:54:00.003+08:00

Just a quick update on what I've been doing for the last 5372957328957392 months , because I've been so caught up in college work that I didn't have time for anything , much less blogging .

College camwhoring to destress , is the best .

Darfting , while my friends wait around for me .

Senior's graduation fashion show with my lovelies .

It really was a lovely night ;)

Bubble tea.. because.. I'm Asian ?

Waiting for presentations to be over and done with .

Whoring with the dummies , the school provides us with .

Lastly , chicPOP with the Koreans , and the korean lovers .

goodnight !

P/S thanks Terence , for showing that you still read my UBER SUPER DEADERER BLOG *love*

VLog - Mundane

2011-06-19T02:12:00.000+08:00

Hoy Me Voy

2011-06-10T00:34:00.000+08:00

I wish you could read thoughts . Because I have nothing to say , but a million things I want to express ; I don't want to talk , but I want you to know everything I've gone through . I feel like my insides are being weighed down by a ton of bricks that have been coated in the stickiest , most yellow , disgusting goop you could ever find , and so , I write .

I write when there is no one to listen to me .
I write because even if I speak , no one will understand .
I write because everyone I want to talk to is not around .
I write in hope of comforting myself .
I write because the other option to make myself feel better would be crying myself to sleep .

Indecisive

2011-06-07T00:25:00.002+08:00

Today was.. A mixed day . And when I say mixed , I mean mixed feelings . I dont really know what my life amounts to anymore other than trying to make people happy and doing my assignments . Oh , and partying . Yes , I left that out .

Determination

2011-05-21T14:51:00.000+08:00

So , I've become a terrible blogger , due to the fact that 1. I hardly have time to blog anymore , and 2. My level of English has deteriorated significantly since I've joined college , and it is still getting worse .
I have to keep apologising to you guys , because I feel like I've let myself , and you , down . Sigh . When I'm 50 and I look back , I will regret not having written down my thoughts :/

x
zoe

Don't Start

2011-05-15T00:34:00.001+08:00

Life is hard . There are too many assignments to do , too many people to spend time that you don't have with , too many friendships that you're being left out of , too many nights you are made to feel guilty because of the time you come home by your parents and boyfriend , too many emotions to feel , too many days of premenstrual syndrome to live through , too many cats to give attention to , too much sadness to feel due to losing your favorite and k ly pair of raybans .

I just need more room to breathe . And I need less people expecting things from me . I can't handle all this pressure . I'm sorry . It's like some times I'm not allowed to be me or to do the things I want to do .

I can't even use my words to fully express my feelings . Because on blogger or twitter or Facebook , there will always be someone watching , someone affected , someone who doesn't care when they should .

Life , just slow down a little , would you ?

Personal Requests

2011-05-15T00:26:00.001+08:00

I don't know abOut you guys , but right now , I just want to be left alone . Also , I have misplaced my ray bans and I am so upset about it , I could cry . Goodnight .

Letters To You

2011-04-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

Dear blog ,
I feel lost , and lonely , and I wish I knew what to do .
Love , Zoe .

April

2011-04-10T03:05:00.001+08:00

Hello . Again , it's been awhile .

I feel so out of touch with my laptop , and with blogger , and with the English language , and with most of everything , actually . I honestly do not know where all my time has gone to . Maybe I can blame this all on twitter , or facebook . My assignments ? Yeah , that too . Most definitely not my friends . Maybe sleep ? I doubt though .

Tell you guys a secret , kay ? And by "you guys" , I mean whoever is left out there who still bothers to click the enter button with my dusty link typed into the URL bar (thanks for staying faithful) , although , I could probably count the number of people who I'm talking to with half of the fingers on my right hand .
Moving back to the topic of my "secret" . I hate my sewing machine . I don't know if it's just me , but I feel so lonely sitting at my machine , and I like the thought of it being brand new , but everything about it is much too new ! Maybe it's the room ! I should get it shifted out to my room , and see if it makes a difference .

You guys are totally right .

And yes , you guys are right again , I am having a conversation with myself , thank you !

Sometimes , when I talk to people , I list the words in the sentences out in my head , and rearrange the words , and correct myself before speaking . Especially the punctuations . Like , I replace periods with commas , and commas with semi-colons , and semi-colons with hyphens .
I do it a lot , now that most of everyone around me has a level of English equivalent to about that of a 11 year old child . No offense . Really . I mean it .
I've also stopped correcting a lot of grammatical errors my friends make , and I am learning to live with them . It's hard . Oh yes , very hard , and I am trying not to get used to it .

I have recently come to realise that even though my boy friends outnumber my girl friends by a mile , my girl friends will always come first <33

Lastly , I still don't understand why people call me Zo . ISN'T THREE LETTERS SHORT ENOUGH ?!?!

Return

2011-03-29T02:15:00.000+08:00

Hey guys . So I know I've been MIA for the longest time , like ever , and honestly , to tell you the truth , I don't know if I'll ever stop being MIA until my course is done , because I don't have time for anything . Like , seriously . Anyway , since it is the term break , I just thought I'd take the opportunity to update my most deaderest blog , and tell you what's been going on .

So far , I've...

Made new friends ,

Gone for totally random fashion shows ,

Become obsessed with bubblegum haired korean boys named TOP x3

Taken my friends to college :)

and grown w my someone specialer .

Sorry , stupid update , i know , but I'm behind on about 3 weeks of sleep .

Oyasumi !

zoe

It's almost March

2011-02-28T01:39:00.000+08:00

My heart feels permanently broken , and I don't want to be awake , but I feel so terrible from sleeping so much . My body hurts when I lie down , but my heart aches when I am awake . And I feel so hopeless .
What has happened to me ? What am I going to do about this ?
I don't want to wake uP everyday with swollen eyes and a painful heart . I don't think I can handle that .

What is wrong with me ?

What I have

2011-02-24T22:47:00.000+08:00

Is too much to say to be contained in a blog post , too many tears to cry to be comfortable showing it , too many emotions to feel to be able to really decipher anything , too many assignments to do to be able to complete everything in such a short period of time , too many desires and wants to be able to fulfill , too many nights spent wondering and worrying about life to actually stop and enjoy it , too many questions to be left unanswered .

Z

Tonight

2011-01-12T01:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes , when I start searching for fashion related things on the internet , while I'm feeling rather inspired , I find so many beautiful things that make my head feel like it's going to explode , and my heart is filled with envy , and I think , "I will never be this good . I will never be able to create such beauty ." And then , I switch off my laptop , and go sulk myself to sleep .

Do you ever get it ?

I need to get past this . If not , I will never learn to appreciate looking at other people's work , to open my mind to new things . My imagination and creativity will never grow . I will never be able to incorporate anything new into any of my work .

But it's so hard . Because oh , I do feel rather inferior and jealous .

And sometimes , when I don't , I feel that there is too much beauty , so I set it aside for later , but when it comes to later , I dare not look for what I've set aside , knowing that I might make awake the envy monster in me :/

This is so hard ):

On a random update note : I failed the road part of my driving test , but passed the slope ,

now take photos of everything with my camera app x3333333 eehheeeheeee ,

miss my boyfriend , who is coming back tomorrow ! , ohohoho !

Am dreading the day I turn a year older , which is in about a week and a half ,

am going to post photos ,

and should be asleep :)

zoe

You're Just A Line In A Song

2011-01-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

I think I liked it better when you werent around to make me sad and to ruin my nights .

Oh , and happy new year , everybody .

I think I know why

2010-12-05T20:29:00.000+08:00

It's cause you're so untouchable . You're so freaking close , but I can't get to you . That's why you make me feel like complete and utter crap , like I'm the scum under your shoe that can't seem to get close enough to you even if I'm so close . I don't understand , why I have to feel that way . Is it the way all humans are ? Or does this kind of thing only happen to a selected few .

Another thing I noticed is that , the worse I feel about myself , the worse my obsession gets , and sometimes when I'm so close to getting thru , and I think I just might be over this , it turns back around and runs at me , head first , at full swing again .

I wish I could say I loathe you , but really , I don't . You're just a girl . A very pretty one . But nevertheless , you're just a girl . What I really loathe though , is the jealousy and worthlessness you make me feel . I hate that . Despise ; abhor ; hate . LOATHE LOATHE LOATHE !! DESPISE !! ABHORRRRRRRRRRRR !

And I hate that I let myself go so far as to want to change for you .

You know how people say , we want what we can't have ? I thought I knew what it meant . I just didn't know it would go this far .

I've never said this before , but I can't wait to grow up so that I might get over this stupid stupid feeling , and over you .

To you

2010-12-01T00:48:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry about my blog being dead , and I'm sorry for the lack of photos , and I'm sorry for having so many assignments . But really I just have no time to do anything right now . Even if I did blog to update you guys about what's been happening it would be basically the same thing everyday : wake up , college , assignments , home , sleep . And more than occasionally , you could also add in "overeat" , and not forgetting "PMS" once and a while :/
I rarely post photos of myself anymore cause I look fat and fugly with all the pimples that've infested my face since college started . I didnt even k ow it was a possibility for me to get pimples , before . I guess the only update I can give you is that Li Eon is coming home next week which makes me all excited :D Heehee . Oh that and that I recently recovered from a mild bout of foo poisoning , which sucked but was awesome at the same time because everyone knows that sick = weight loss . Hehehe . Anyway . Goig to bed now .

Please excuse all my grammatical errors , because I'm typing on MoMo and I'm rushing to get this done cause my arm is cramping and I wanna sleep :)

x
Zoé

2010-11-28T23:10:00.001+08:00

I am in misery .

2010-11-24T22:45:00.001+08:00

Hi , My name is Zoe , I'm 17 this year , and I'm majoring in Fashion Design at a College far far away from my home . I like sunny days that aren't too hot , tying my hair up in a high pony tail , so that when I walk , it swings behind me , ice cream , the colour pink , shoes , and dresses , shiny , straight , white teeth , smiles , and the Japanese language . I love ribbons , and braids , and blazers , and watching Supernatural , long long conversations on the phone that last til morning , long , red hair , words (meaning the English language) , and talking really loudly with my friends in public places . I dislike assignments , and not having time for myself , when people walk into the bathroom , just when I want to use it , PMS , mood swings , and dry hair . I loathe cockroaches , trips to the dentist , leaches , gaining weight , pimples , mozzies , and mozzie bites , and cockroaches .
I wish I could say I was happy all the time and mean it , and I could be satisfied being just the way I am . I wish continents weren't separated by oceans , and everyone could just drive every where , whenever they liked . I wish people didn't affect me as much as they do , even when I say they don't-- that I'd be less impressionable , I wish I'd be able to inspire people as much as some of them do me .
When I grow up , I plan on ruling the world , and when I do , I'm going to stop animal cruelty once and for all , build a chain of McDonald outlets in Africa to stop people from starving , and whaling ? My god , that HAS to stop . I will live in the biggest castle in Japan , and sometimes , when I feel like it , I might move to my other castle , which would totally be one of those spacious skyline apartments that overlook the entire city , in New York .
I tell myself that I'm not complicated , and I don't show it , but sometimes I don't understand how my mind works , and how people interpret my actions as something totally different than what they were originally meant . I am not mysterious , and I want everything I can't have . and right at this moment , I am sad , and my heart feels like it's be pounded with one of those meat tenderisers , and I hurt .

I think I'm ready to be me again .

Boom .

2010-11-17T18:52:00.000+08:00

In the middle of developing my design for my final project :/

Momma

2010-11-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

I think my mother might have gone slightly insane because the other day when I walked into the bathroom , she shouted out to me to "put Norman back" when I was done . So , being the curious person I was , I asked her who Norman was . My mum then told me that Norman was the door-stopper .

Yes . My mother named our door stopper Norman .
+100 cool points for my family .

Winchester

2010-11-11T02:05:00.000+08:00

1. Everyone has either a BB or an iPhone . I feel like one of thE masses . Which makes me sad and unspecial )':

2. Syu brought Supernatural for me to watch today and I went crazy even though I cover my eyes for like more than half the season because well , I'm not man enough to watch anything scarier than Blues Clues ): the things I do for the sake of Jared Padalecki ):

3. My short nails still feel weird ): yesterday , when I showed the boyfriend the nails , he was all like OMG !!! And I was like *sadface* although I must admit it is easier to type my messages on もも now :)

4. Mummy is burning mozzie coil in the bathroom which makes everyone who walks in smell like an ashtray . Even my cat smells like she just got back from a wild night out with her otheir crazy felines :/

5. My brain is still awake , but my eyes are totes closing . I think my Eyes are winning though :)

x
ゾイ ♥

Meh

2010-11-10T01:31:00.001+08:00

So today , I cut my nails for the first time in like forever . Forever meaning like , 6 months ?? Which is pretty much forever , so I'm not exaggerating :) it's weird that I can feel the soft glass surface of my phone against the tips of my fingers . Haha . Also , it's pretty hard to scratch myself when I'm itchy ); which happens quite frequently , since I get restless really fast .

Like I said on my tumble page , today was draw pretty pink hearts on places people don't usually look at , which was actually really fun despite the sadness I felt watching elly go cosmetic shopping without me .

Excuse the grammar and spelling errors and the shortness of my post . Id do something about it , but I am tired , and so are my thumbs :)

x
ゾイ ♥

Offensive

2010-11-09T01:08:00.001+08:00

Just watched a documentary on Japanese Whalers , and I feel sick to my stomach . Worst part is , I can’t seem to shake the feeling either . Watching them , so adamant , in taking some poor creature’s life .

Ugh . I feel like throwing up . It doesn’t help that a lot of the whales are endangered , too . I want to rip those people into shreds and feed them to my cats . OR SINK THEIR DAMN BOAT .

YOU STUPID JAPANESE PEOPLE . GO EAT SOME OTHER NOT ENDANGERED FISH . THAT’S LIKE MINUS 74927520750275297529752953809582352 POINTS FOR YOU . What do you get out of killing whales ?

No , seriously , Japan . You break my heart .

Minuscule

2010-11-07T02:06:00.000+08:00

Just got done watching 2012 , again , because it was showing on TV , and I decided to go downstairs to watch some since I was trying to procrastinate again , just now .

Sometimes we forget-- I forget , about how tiny we really are , because we're so consumed by daily life , and by how big our problems seem to be to us , when in reality , there are so many other things that are so much bigger and more important than , "omg , I don't know what to wear today ," or , "I'm not pretty enough ," or , "omg , my egg just exploded in my face and now I'm scarred for life ," or , "I didn't get to eat McDonald's for dinner and now I hate my life." No , srsly . FML (ha-ha)

It was a really good reminder . For me , if not for any one of you . That there are so many other things in life that are bigger than my wants and needs , and my cravings and desires . There are so many other things that are more important than going shopping or doing assignments , or hanging out with my friends .

Also , it's really unnerving , if you think about it , how God could just wipe us all off the face of the Earth with things like Massive earthquakes , and Ginormous Tsunamis if he really wanted to . Sounds really terrible , I know , but once again , just proves how tiny and insignificant our lives really are .

Which makes me feel insanely blessed to be alive , and breathing , and talking , and being able to just sit here to type this out .

I have to admit that , sometimes I get so caught up in living in my life the way I want to that I so consumed with myself and the things I want that , I cannot see outside my little Zoe-cone , worrying about looking pretty , and having friends to talk to , and going shopping , and keeping up with all the trends , and assignments , and what not .

Right now , I'm just really grateful to be alive .

zoe

He Ate My Heart

2010-11-06T02:17:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow will be the last day of Malaysian-International Fashion Week , and I am extremely upset at the fact that I will not be there . On the plus side though , just got done watching Tekken , and although it was bloody , gross , sweaty , and had several of those slow motion punch-you-and-camera-zooms-in-on-the-saliva-and-blood-shooting-and-spraying-out-of-your-mouth-while-your-lips-flutter-from-impact screen shots , it made me happy because 1. the guy reminded me of Vern , and 2. He was hot . Oh 3. there were also alot of shots of him half naked . Ooh . Very happy movie . Minus the blood and gore and sweat , and uh.. graphic screen shots D: I felt like pausing the movie to stroke my laptop screen so it'd feel better ):

WOULD LIKE TO GO TOMORROW . ANYONE WANNA DRIVE ME TO KL AND BACK ? :D :D

zoe

Absorbed

2010-11-05T01:40:00.001+08:00

It's amazing how my brain always considers myself before anything else . Like how in the world did it become programmed that way ?? Is it just me , or is everyone the same ?

Also , is it just me , or has it been kinda cold these last few days ??? I actually bring a jacket to college everyday now . Amazing 、がっくし !! I should wear my scarf and booties too , soon :)

Mifa today at the pavilion and i managed to catch a glimpse of the uniqlo store . My God , are those people crazy , or what ??? On the other hand tho , mifa wasn't great , but annettes designs were pretty okayh . Especially since she o ly Sid them over a span of 2 days . Crazy , no ? :)

x
zoé

Guguru :)

2010-11-04T00:06:00.001+08:00

Tell you guys a secret ,

Sometimes , when I'm alone in my room , I open up Google maps and type in all the places in the world I want to go to , but can't , and then I feel a little bit better . Because , as pathetic as it sounds , when I'm exploring the maps , it almost feels like I could be there .

Someday .

zoe

おすし屋おねがいします !!

2010-11-03T01:46:00.000+08:00

My daddy's in the next room playing sodoku in the dark because mummys asleep and he doesn't want to wake her . Which makes me smile and wonder what I'll be Kline when I'm old and wrinkly like them :)

When I think of the cold , I think of melbourne and it's crazy tram system , it's shiny bicycle lanes , happy making never ending rows and rows of shops , raisin toast and hot lemon tea , it's Giant see thru dome and clock tower , how much bigger the food portions are there , steel metal benches and side walks so wide I could fit my bed onto them , crazy hobos asking for money , train tickets , and cow coloured ponies , delicious sushi burgers , and crepes , wind so strong it could literally blow you away , morning markets , boots and aching feet . Which makes me marvel at how much one word can stir up and make me remember
. Which then makes me miss so many people and things , which also makes me wonder at how although I dislike that place so much , some part of me somewhere really likes it too .

I miss waking up to the sunshine falling thru frosted glass and the sound of lunch being prepared at 7 in the morning , getting up to look down onto the city and the tiny people hurrying about in the cold air .

This is why I will never abandon blogger . Because as pretty as tumblr can get , there will never be anything prettier than expressing thoughts with beautiful words .

I really enjoy it when I see people I know picking up little habits of mine , whether it be the way I write or the way I talk or the way I dress , it always makes me feel special . Like , I influence you that much , which means I mean something to you . Try not to over do it tho :)

I think I'm going to go back to being me... Soon :)

x
zoé

Vinegrrr

2010-11-01T18:03:00.000+08:00

Today I ended up in my White stockings , and my yoked navy pinstriped dress . It was supposed to go with my polkadotted usamimi , but I decided to get rid of that , cause waking around in 5 inch wedges made me feel self conscious enough . Somewhere in the mixture though , someone tossed in a pair of cat ears :) which made me feel very at home , and also made it rather appropriate since it is after all , the day after Halloween :) I was going to go as a pumpkin with a ribbon , but that didn't turn out so well :) spent the day in class drawing my technical flats and eating baby marshmallows that came in only the warm shades of the rainbow . Oh , and White . There were White baby marshmallows too :) headed into the library , and sat there til it was about to pour and my butt started to get really sore (OMG , rhymie !! *hyperventilates*) then mummy decided it would be a good time to show up . Got home and went crazy with my not really there , but still good enough , lomography app :) too bad I can post photos here without having to turn on my laptop . I'll post them on my tumblr . Go look kayh ?? -red.tumblr.com

Onna slightly off note , I think ever since もも came into my life , I've been camwhoring at least 20% more than usual :)

x
Zoé

:/

2010-10-30T03:29:00.000+08:00

So today was spent sleeping , mostly , and watching YouTube bids :) yeah . ThTs about it . I love day offs -even if they mean more procrastination . Gives me time to restart my life for a second and take time to talk to my friends . And maybe clean my room .
So last couple of days beig a red head . I am so scared of the outcome z I wish I could be a red head forever , but at the same time , I'm dying to know what I'll look like as an almost blonde :) something good , I hope :)

Going to bed now . Because I'm tired :/ I'll TTY guys soon :) keep checking my tumblr , there might be stuff I post there instead'f here becAuse I haven't post photos on blogger when I'm using もも , which , for those of you who don't know , is my new phone . And it's pronounced momo :) which is peach in Japanese :)

x
Zoé

2010-10-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

I swear my course is killing my love for vocabulary and proper grammar and sentence structure . I h
Even thought about how I never get the urged to blog anymore . One if the contributing reasons I'd have to say is cause the app store does not have a blogger app , which is so stupid if you ask me . They have a tumblr app , but not a freaking blogger one . Which is also one of the reasons why I've been updating my previously dead tumblr -- because I can't update my globally as easily as I can my tumblr . So if you have time go check there for updates if there aren't any here :) www.-red.blogspot.com which is another funny thing cause soon it should be -almostblonde.tumblr >.> I'm so tired , my attempts at jokes are a complete failure . おやすみなさい !!

x
ゾイ

fjlkdsahlsg

2010-10-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

You and you're stupid absolutely flawless skin and flat chestedness . WHY ?!?!?! WHYYY ?!?!?!? WHYYYYYYYY ?!?!?!? OMG !!!

AND YOUU , INFERIORITY , YOU GO STUB YOUR FREAKING TOE !

You're Getting To Me

2010-10-19T22:16:00.001+08:00

I had so many things to say to you guys this morning . And now , I've forgotten them all . All except one that is :) Like , I know why so many people are getting Tumblr , and I really shouldn't be surprised , but Tumblr is all sorts of pretty . Like , I've never seen an ugly Tumblr page to date . It's just full of photos that are pleasing to the eye , and the themes . OHMYGOD . Don't even get me started on those . Sometimes when I feel sad , I just browse Tumblr , and then I feel less sad , but then I start feeling sad again because there's just so much to covert on that stupid network thing D: LIKE THESE !

And there's so much more from where that came from D:

I'll update again when I remember my thoughts :)

zoe

edit : I just remembered . Today in class , some of the seniors were giving out these little pieces of heart shaped paper , for us to write a note to the girl who passed away on Monday , and when the seniors came to collect the notes , my lecturer asked us if anyone wrote in Chinese . I was really puzzled , at first , but then he said , "Don't write in Chinese okayh? Cause she doesn't understand Chinese ." I swear that made me smile so big .

Horrified Looks

2010-10-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

So , because of a very loveLEE person , Taylor Swift has been stuck on repeat this week . Yup , that's right , I've listened to nothing else . Mainly because I no longer have my iPod , since well , I sold it . Actually , now that I think of it , it would prolly be a good time to start using Cookie :) :)

I'm surprised that the second week of college hasn't been too hectic , and that I still manage to have a life . And by "having a life" I mean , being able to come home and take 5 hour naps and still being able to complete and pass up assignments on time . Wooh , go me ! :)

Heyy , you . Happy 18th . Big big big boy already ! I've said all I wanted to say , so I don't think I need to say it here , but just a little reminder incase you've forgotten , we miss you . Like , insane amounts that cannot possibly be expressed by human words . I miss you .

It's funny how when you think about something you're anticipating greatly , it seems so far away , but when you actually get to that point in your life , you think again and say , "oohheyyy , that wasn't too bad . I wish it wouldn't have arrived so fast , so it won't end so quickly ." and whoever came up with the saying "it's the journey that counts , not actually getting there ." can go suck some bananas D:

I've barely been posting photos on my blog now that I have twitpic D: I'm sorry Mr. Blog ): I still love you thoughhh !!

I still think about you . Weird , I know . But , I can't help but wonder what might have been if circumstances were different . It would've been nice to know :) Hard to imagine now , though .

Oh , hey , look at that . 1o months on the 1oth of `1o :) Although it's the 15th now , so it isn't as cool as it would've been our tenth was on the tenth'f the tenth'f the tenth , but we're still cool ;3

oowaahhhoowaaahh PIUPIUPIUUU *explodes*!!

♥ you , kimchi .

Better suit up , got a long long day of craziness ahead of me , tomorrow .

zoe

P/S CLINIQUE MOISTURIZER , YOU CAN GO SUCK BANANAS TOO ! AND I HOPE THEY'RE PRE-MATURE AND NOT SWEET !! D:<

Somebody Else

2010-10-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking , and you were right . I'm not fine . But now that I've admitted it , what're you going to do about it ?

I'd Rather Be Crazy

2010-10-11T01:51:00.000+08:00

I didn't have to create you to be happy :)

I'm already down on about 2 and a half hours of sleep , but I felt like typing something out even though , it's prolly going to be something low on substance .

Today , was a special day . No , not only cause it was the 1oth of October of 2o1o , but also because it was Jo Ee's birthday , and I got to eat my favouritest crepe cake in the entire world ♥ This blog post is about and hour and 38 minutes late , and even though I've wished you , I'd like to say it again , just so incase when I'm 40 and wrinkly , I decide to come and look at what I did on the 1oth of October in the year 2o1o :)

I might look at this post and think it was very lame and childish for myself to use 'o's instead of actual zeros , because right now , I think 'o's look much nicer than the zero's in this font .

Today , mummy came home from Genting , and although I heard her come through the front door , I pretended to be asleep , because I wanted to surprise her when she walked through the door , but I ended up falling asleep for real , so I only said hi when I woke up for dinner :/

Another week of college tomorrow and although I'm anticipating a tidal wave of assignments to hit me in the face , I'm going to be optimistic about this week . Like , how tomorrow I'm going material shopping with Annette and Samantha on Petaling Street , and we're going to have fun and smile a lot , even though I bet we're going to get all sweaty and gross (I also picked an outfit with long sleeves for tomorrow . I don't know why) . And like , how on Thursday I'm going to meet up with Yi Lin and maybe HuiYing to discuss plans for some stuff that I'll show you guys real soon :)

I have a huge feeling that this week is going to be a good one . Or maybe it's just cause I've been shopping a lot and listening to a song that makes me feel like I can do anything . Huh .

ooowaahhooowaahh !!

weeyoooweeeeyyoooo !!

zoe

Done

2010-10-10T01:36:00.000+08:00

Dear LoveLEE ,

Yes , you . You , other pony loving , Taylor Swift crazy , flowerful-smilied , be-you-tea-fool guurrll (*):] I told you I was working on a reply , and so here it is :) Thank you for your text the other day . When I opened I felt so happy I cried , and then my eyes got all swollen so I stopped crying , and went on with my day feeling the slightest bit better . Thank you for the smile you gave me . It was very very appreciated and welcomed . I just wanted to say , since I'm writing you this , that I think of you lots too . And I must agree that it is funny , cause we never did spend much time together .

Oh , and just to clarify , I never reply your texts because those tiny letters fill up too much space because there's always so much to say to you , even if typing * is still so much cooler than saying the actual word :)

FLOWERFLOWERFLOWERFLOWERRRR !!!!

I don't know if you notice this , but I think I've picked up a little of the way you type when I'm blogging/typing out stuff . I think that's pretty funny too , since such a tiny you can affect such a large me so much even though you're a three hour time zone away (:/) And I can also agree on the fact that I think about you loads . Sounds a little weird , but you cross my mind on quite a regular basis . Sometimes , I just want to talk to you just toget your opinion , because I swear , you have the greatest ideas (setting ponies free from bondage ? BRILLIANT !!) I don't know if you get that , but I get it a lot .

I'm dying , waiting for you to come home , because I realised that we've never taken a photo together . Ever . You'd prolly be the first person in the world I've waited so long to take a photo with :)

Lots of *-ry , cotton candied kisses ,

Zoe :)

x

2010-10-04T01:15:00.004+08:00

It's sad that I thought you'd make me feel better . I was sad because I thought you'd make me feel better .
I didn't say it just cause I don't need your pity .
So yeah , like you said , goodnight , and bye .

All The Glam and The Fashion

2010-10-01T03:04:00.000+08:00

This is an attempt at 2.30 in the morning to sound somewhat profound and intriguing...

Sorry , I've got nothing :/

So , updates from my recent past while I sit on my bed in my baby pink silk pajama pants , and my dark blue sweatshirt looking like the ~~biggest freak~~ hottest rockstar ever with antibiotic cream plastered all over my face : the last couple of days have been spent sleeping , and.. sleeping , and cleaning bedrooms , and online boutique browsing , and studying Japanese like an asshole . I know , it's the holidays , but I really don't get to do any of that when college is on going , so DON'T JUDGE ME !! I do however plan to salvage the rest of my sad sad holidays with a shopping spree on Saturday , and a day out with the best friend tomorrow :)

Isn't this dress just all sorts of lovely ? ):

My level of English has deteriorated significantly , and I feel really inferior when I write out blog posts/comments on facebook/tweets . Ugh . College/boyfriend , what've you done to me D:

Does anyone think it's sad that I still talk about college during my holidays ? Or is that just me ? Because it feels pretty sad to me :/

I'm so tired . I think my brain has thought enough for one day .

zoe

Day One - Your Best Friend

2010-09-27T04:00:00.002+08:00

I know how everyone's doing this , but I've really been wanting to write one of these for a long time--well , long time meaning for as long as I've seen it on Sof&Vonn's blogg, heh--but I could never find the list . So , now that I have , I'm going to attempt this . Plus , it gives me something to blog about when I don't have anything to say :) So , here we go .

Dear Tae Won/BFF/Bucktooth/Ping-pong Buddy ,

I haven't had too much BFF time with you lately , and I was thinking the other about how I really miss those super late night conversations we used to have on the phone til like 4 in the morning , where I'd be trying so hard to hold in my laughter so mum wouldn't know I was still on the phone with you . Can't wait to have some bucktooth Megan Fox + Jae Joong time :)

You've prolly got to be the funniest bff I've ever had , and maybe not the longest , but the first one I've had in a long while . Also , you drive me around , take me out for meals and ice cream (although I pay for the ice cream quite a lot) , follow me around when I need someone to go shopping with , know how to make me smile , and you don't seem to mind most of the weird things I do . I know you go out of your way to do things for me a lot of the time , which makes me appreciate you all the more .

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with a best friend that's so different (you listen to rap, omgwth) , but at the same time , is so much like me (you very hemsem :)

So even if you never read this ever ever , I'd like to say thanks for being such an awesome BFF , and I refuse to buy the ice cream the next time we go out :P

Much Much Much ♥♥♥♥♥ ,
Zoe

Out of Our Hands

2010-09-26T20:20:00.000+08:00

1. It's funny how I thought I had a million photos to post up , until I sorted through every one of them and realised , there's really not much to post other than my silly thoughts :/

2. I take that back . I just found my photos ._.

JEREMYYYY :)

TERRYKAWAIII !!! :D I love how he's prolly the only friend of mine who gets excited with me when I ask to take asian photos of happy joyness , and even better , when they turn out looking really asian , he's really proud :D

Glasses , glasses , glasses .

My bed is so empty without Bill ): And all those other stuffed animals ):

On a random note , I really like that my cheeks look the way they do :o

Yau Mak With Garlic

&Yau Mak with Foo Yih .

HA-HA !

I take a lot of photos of my cats , if you haven't already noticed . I MEAN , WHO COULD RESIST THAT ?!??!! *points at photos and runs around squealing*

Assignments, Assignments :/ But that's over now >:D

3. So , yesterday when I woke up , I picked up my phone and there was an unexpected message from a very lovely person :) She sent me this ! :D Which made me squeal and smile like an idiot at the photo for like a whole minute or something D: Thank you , SarahLee !! :) For for the MMS , and for thinking'f me when you saw Hello Kitty :D (omg , rhymies)

4. This week , I tried to write down all the random thoughts that came to mind that I wanted to blog about , but it failed pretty epicly , because I was too lazy to take out my phone and type down all the words swimming around in my sleepy brain . I did manage to get a few down though . Like , does anyone ever notice how people tend to daydream when they've just woken up/are tired ? I've been doing it a lot since I've been so sleep deprived due to my finals and assignments in college . I noticed it in drawing class this week :)

`And also , I was photocopying some stuff in college the other day and I turned around to walk up to stairs , but for some reason , I stopped , and then I noticed.. that the railings in my college are shiny !! LIKE THE BICYCLE LANE TARMAC IN AUSTRALIA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE SHIMMERY SHINY !! LIKE GLITTER !! BUT IN THE PAINT OF THE STAIR RAILING !!! OMG OMG OMG !!! Okayh , I miss Australia now ): And for more reasons than just shiny Tarmac .

`I suck at sewing , and so working on SEWING assignments at the last minute is really really not cool at all . Note to self : don't do last minute sewing work . You'll end up with bad grades , and then you'll fail . And you don't want that to happen , do you ?

Self : No , I don't ):

Note to self : Yes , good . So don't do it .

`It's amazing how talented people in college are , and it's scary to think that sometimes I don't know if I'll ever be able to live up to that standard .

`My college friends are pretty amazing . I don't think I could be stuck with a better group of people than my July`1o intake :) Which makes me really happy to think about it , because just 3 months ago , I was crying myself to sleep thinking that college was going to be horrible , wondering what I'd gotten myself into , and hoping that I'd fit in somewhere between all that glamour and talent . I'm really really glad I was wrong this time . I know you guys don't read this , so it's okayh for me to say all of this :D

5. iPhone TOMORROOOWWWW !!! *runs around foaming at mouth* And although the phone is really cool , the only thing I keep thinking about is being able to stick all those pretty decodens on it when it's finally in my hands :D Also , that camera there's pretty attractive too :O

6. I feel like cleaning my room now :) and maybe I'll go study my Japanese after that :) TTY guys soon :)

zoe

Shock

2010-09-24T03:10:00.000+08:00

You got that right :/

1. Wow , I'm pretty surprised that I haven't checked my blog in 2 days :O Makes you wonder what I've been up to that I can't even remember to check my blog :/

2. I just came here to say that.. and also that I am very sleepy :/ I still have another 2 assignments to go :D

Promise I'll update after my exam tomorrow.. and the longest nap I can possibly make myself take :)

Like I've heard a million times today , and more ,

Ganbatte !!

zoe

I Don't Like This New , I Want The Old

2010-09-22T02:56:00.003+08:00

1. There are so many thoughts swimming around in my head , I'll be quite please if this blog post ends up making any sense at all .

2. Today , after my sad and violent encounter with the door stopper , I was attacked by a needle in college today . Sliced my thigh into a million + 1 pieces . And by a million and 1 pieces , I mean , I scratched myself with a sewing pin today , and it stung pretty darn badly . Also , one of my seniors sewed her fingers up during the sewing exam today . And no , I wasn't exaggerating . She literally , sewed through two of her fingers with the sewing machine . I nearly died when I heard , because somewhere inside my head , I was expecting it to happen to me O_O Okayh , I'm going to go touch wood now D':

3. I've prolly said it more than a few times before , but Alison Sudol has prolly got to be one of my favouritest singers in the world . And she's so gorgeous D: She's like the Taylor Swift to my SarahLee :) :) +she's a redhead.. heehee :D

4. So , I've come to the conclusion that McDonald's delivery service is a bitch . Rawr . Or maybe I've just been ordering McD's wayyy too much D:

5. How the hell did anything I said end up as "Hey ! Go ahead and continue to be a fugly bitch and date my ex !!" Grow up .

6. I don't know if I'll be able to survive the next two days D: *switches on intensive assignment mode* I should prolly go to bed now . Since , it is well into the morning--3.05AM to be exact--and I have to be up in 3 hours to get ready for class :)

Oh , but these are my half done clogs . Which I'm pretty proud of *bigbigbig happy smiley*

zoe

Mitsuko

2010-09-21T01:40:00.002+08:00

I think it was pretty useless of my brother to come into my room , only to pick up my dog , say a few useless words and walk out again . Because really , making all that noise and waking up my parent and making me get up to lock the door again behind him , really was not worth those words .

2. I love candid pictures of other people . It's also really great when you're stalking them , and when they have bad hair days/bad face days it really helps to boost your self esteem . Of course , I'm talking about all those gorgeous people out there who never seem to look bad ever :/

3. I think I'm pretty dead for my final projects if you ask me :/

4. Today , I wore an oversized grey top with a huge shiny ribbon on the front . It made me feel like tinkerbell in an over sized grey top . And yes , I am very aware that Tinkerbell does not wear grey , nor does she have a ribbon on her top .

5. I kicked a door stopper today and managed to injure my toe severely . And by severely , I mean not at all terribly in any way . (just a little scrape)

6. It's funny how girls (mostly) tend to twist things in order to sound so much more different than they really are :)

7. I'm only 4 days away from my doom + my freedom . I don't know if I should be happy , or not :o

おやすみなさい
♥ゾイ

Too Much Too Soon

2010-09-19T21:01:00.003+08:00

Today was pretty damn fun , if you ask me :) Finals start tomorrow . Wish me good grades ;)

zoe

Let's Make You Picture Perfect

2010-09-19T02:07:00.005+08:00

1. So , I'd better start blogging while I'm in the blogging mood , I guess . My 3 seasons of Avatar has run out , and now I'm feeling very lonely , and weirdly , motivated to get some writing done . Sadly though , my Finals start tomorrow , and I doubt I'll be able to have any time to do any writing :/ Which sucks big time , if you ask me , cause my head's been working over time these last few days .

2. So , I have a really huge thing for ribbons , furry brown monsters , kitty cats with no mouths , Japanese themed items , shiny things , and red hair . I might just add blond hair to that list . What do you guys think ? :) Blond or no blond ? On me , I mean . Help me out .

3. While I'm sitting alone in the silence of my own room , while the world sleeps soundly around me , makes me feel kind of lonely for some reason . I don't know if it's just me , or if it's just that I've gotten so used to the hustle and bustle of college life , and not being able to be awake long enough to do anything other than assignments that when I finally do have some free time (well, it's not really free , I just don't feel like I want to do anything right now) , I really don't know what to do with myself .

4. Sometimes I question myself , wondering if it's really something I'm passionate about , or just a phase I'm going through that's going to pass as quickly as it's come .

5. The more I see you , the more I think about how beautiful you used to be to me , before the make up and hair-dye-- don't get me wrong though , I still think you're absolutely gorgeous--, weird clothes , and crazy obsession . I think about how I so desperately wanted to be like you- to be you . But now , when I think about it . Maybe we do have SOME things in common after all . Maybe . I'm just taking wild guessing , and don't forget that my brain is on overdrive right now . Maybe I'm just being hopeful , because as much as I tell myself I don't want to be like you , I know I'm just lying to myself .

6. I am not complicated . I am not complicated . I am not complicated . I am not complicated . I will not be complicated .

7. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore .

zoe

Kick

2010-09-16T21:49:00.010+08:00

So , this is me blogging for the first time in.. *checks date and time of last blog post* oh , my ! It's been a whole week since I last updated my blog D: But that's about right , I suppose , because it feels like forever since I've last updated anyway :/

1. Yesterday after I came home from college , I came home and took a shower , and then collapsed on my bed and fell asleep . I was supposed to wake up around 9 or 10 , (because for some strange reason , I always wake up around 9 or 10 when I take afternoon naps ) but when I woke up , and fumbled around for the time , the clock read 4.51 AM

I swore I nearly cried . Although it was nice to get more than 5 hours of sleep for once .

2. My finals are next week , and although there is like , minimal studying involved , I am very scared . I also have another 8 assignments to do , and I'm scared for my life . I don't know how the hell I'm going to finish them . Today ,

3. For some reason , I keep craving Justin Bieber/Taylor Swift songs . I don't know if that's normal , or if there's something wrong with me T_T

4. So today , while I was sewing my skirts and board shorts , and cutting out the pattern pieces for my clothes , I was thinking , and now that I think about it , I really don't remember the slightest bit of what I was thinking about then , when I was thinking about those things .

5. Alison Sudol is so gorgeous . Or maybe it's just that I have a thing for Redheads because I can relate :) Oh , that and she makes me happier than most people . Which reminds me of one of things I was thinking today ! A Fine Frenzy has to one of my all time favourite band/singers :) Next to Switchfoot of course :)

6. I would love to have a picnic in a cemetry .

7. Don't ask me stupid questions . Away .

zoe

You ruined my day . So you want to stay in your bed , huh ? Why didn't you just say that in the first place ? Then I won't have to spend everyday looking forward to it's ending just so I'll be closer to seeing you . Then I won't have to waste my time missing you . Then you make everything already worse than it is by leaving me alone like that when you knew I wasn't okayh . Don't tell me you thought I was okayh . Because if you did , you really are stupid . But then you kind of are already . I wish you were here so I could hit you . I don't evenm want to talk to you tomorrow night . And I know I will regret this soon , but I don't care . I deserve to be angry right now .

The World

2010-09-10T01:56:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could tell you guys everything ,

but then sometimes , some things are better left unsaid .

But just so you know , I wish my entire world didn't revolve around that measly one or two hours a day I have with you .

zoe

日本、私はあなたが好き！:(

2010-09-08T14:43:00.006+08:00

1. I just spent half my free wednesday watching tv , useless Japanese dramas , and eating , when I'm supposed to be using it to do my assignments , and die forever :/ Okayh , now you can add reading random blogs to the list of procrastination I'm building , slowly .. Okayh , not very slowly .

2. Random fact , I realised in the bathroom when I walked in today : I hate it when the floor is wet . It really grosses me out . Like , unless there's running water on the floor , it is not at all cool to walk around on wet floors . Like , NOT COOL D: LIKE NOT COOL !!!

3. As much as I love love love love love adore love love love love my red hair , I really want to dye it like a golden blonde-y brown colour D: If only I had the guts D: Rawr rawr rawrrr !! *stomps around crushing everything into oblivion* I make myself sound so fat wth T_T

4. So , I was bloghopping and I came across this :

Japan , you will kill me , forever , to be die , omg T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T

私はとても悲しいです。

(I am very sad .)

But now , I'm totally inspired to go buy lots of little decodens and bling up my iPhone when it arrives *heeheeheehee* :D :D :D

zoe

Lovers , Watch Them Shine

2010-09-05T21:52:00.007+08:00

1. Long photo post to be had :) Just a warning , incase you're not game .

So , my college mates are kind of really awesome . And I'm telling you this incase you didn't know . I doubt anyone of them reads my blog , so I think it's absolutely safe to say anything I want now :) I honestly cannot believe that just 2 months ago , I was worrying about the friends I would have made . Silly .

My first attempt at Acrylic nail art . On Vincent's fingernail . Yes , that's right . VINCENT :)

Harvee's awesome bacon skirt toile on Anette :)

I got bored in the car and took a couple of photos of myself despite the fat day :)

The flowers , and picket fence that suddenly went up in my garden . Now , everytime we come through the drive way , I come home to see this :) Except it's prettier in person.. that is.. until they start to die , of course , then I have to wait for them to grow again :) But honestly , if you ask me , I think it's worth the wait .

2. So , today was another mixed day . Started out with church , and it hasn't ended yet . I should stop torturing myself so much . Really . Besides , ruining a perfectly good day isn't the way to go .

3. It's weird that when I look at your face , I still feel disgust , and my insides still squirm . I hate that you have that effect on me . You're a disgusting hypocrite , and I honestly hope that it eats you up inside . I know I shouldn't feel this way about you anymore . You're worthless now , you should mean nothing . But I just can't seem to get over the intense hatred I feel for you even though you're such a low-life , fugly , piece of nothing :) DO NOT , have a nice day .

4. My friends never ever get boring , and honestly , I find it funny how , as many new friends as I make , I doubt I'll find anyone as wonderful as you guys . It's like , going away to camp for a couple days , and then coming home to your bed and sinking into your pillows and feeling like home . That's what you guys are : home , and there can be no substitute for that .

Love you more than fingers and toes :)

I don't think this photo needs a caption :)

I miss you guys so much D:

5. You're not as pretty as I remembered you to be . Or maybe I've just been obsessing over you for so long , it's gotten old . But nevertheless , why the hell do I still feel so inferior ?! What do you have over me ?!?!? D: *flails arms*

~~Maybe it's cause I'm lying to myself , and that I still think you're absolutely stunning .~~

6. I honestly don't think you see the severity and seriousness of how happy you make me :) , Mr. Kimchipotatopieofdoomforevertobeminekuekuekuek .

You really have NO idea at all :)

zoe

Missed

2010-09-03T00:09:00.002+08:00

Dear Melrose , please stop dropping yourself on my face because it really hurts when you do , especially when you fall on my eye when it's open . Like 2 minutes ago , for example :/

Dear Sarah Lee , thank you for that lovely bloggpost :) it really did make me happy , and I went back to read it again because I was feeling rather down . It was just as awesome , Reading it the second time around ♥

Dear Vonn , Sof , & Megs , I miss you guys so much lah :/ I realised how much it feels like home when I'm sitting down with you three ranting and clucking away loudly , and laughing like a turkey :/ I really hope the sleepover works out .

Dear assignments , you're kinds sucking my life force , just like my ovaries . Could you not ??

Dear Kimchi , ♥ じゃがいも to be mine forever :) I hope you feel better when your see this cause it really sucks seeing you upset ): ): )':

Dear mommy and daddy , I think I'm gonna sleep with the door closed tonight because I just need to be alone for awhile . Oh , and tonight I'm not afraid of the dark cause I'm brave :)

x
zoé

Owwie

2010-08-30T01:50:00.002+08:00

I don't understand what's wrong with me ): I do not understand why I feel so crappy tonight . Like , is it the heat ?? Or the PMS ?? Or the last minute assignment ?? Maybe it's cause I'm fat . I just don't know why the hell I feel so bloody sad for ):

Maybe I just need to sleep it off , and it'll be gone in the morning . Yeahh , that sounds like a good idea .

x
zoé

ow , my heart ):

Caution

2010-08-27T23:58:00.003+08:00

Because it reminds me of you ♥

1. So , instead of doing completing my pattern pieces for my final assignment's toile , I managed to

a) clean half my room ,

b) sew my sewing scissors a cover with a pretty little button on the front ,

c) rearrange my sewing kit ,

d) pack away half my clothes (which reminds me I have to do the other half)

e) shift half of my room around

f) File and paint my nails :)

:) mm , pretty productive night I'd say :)

2. I always have a million things to say , but when I open up blogger to finally write down all my thoughts , they've disappeared and I'm left with an empty blog post , stuffed full of pictures instead . Kind upsetting if you think about .

3. My potato is sick :/ Which makes me feel kind of bummed out , so I will just not think about it .

4. It's getting tiring , trying to be like you . &I realised after a lot of thought that I don't think we have THATTT many things in common after all . Now , if only you'd stop being so damn gorgeous :/ then maybe I won't have to kill myself trying to like everything I don't ? Please ? Pretty please ? I cringe sometimes when I realise I'm starting to like things I know I wouldn't like normally .

5. Have I ever showed you my niece and nephew before ? :D I swear you'll die of a cuteness overdose :D

Please proceed to scream now .

6. Goodnight !

zoe

Drink My Soul

2010-08-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

1. I don't really have anything to say , but I decided to blog anyway because I know I haven't been updating frequently and that makes me feel rather sad . So , a couple if udates for you , I'm getting used to the crazy college timetable , learning to cope properly and testing out time management . Also , I noticed even though I barely get any sleep , alot of my time is spent sleeping . Weird , huh ?

2. This week is fat week for me , and also , I think I'm beginning to PMS again . But then I always blame my binging weeks on PMS anyway , so who's to know ?? :/

3. Sewing is killing me slowly , no exaggeration there . You'd think someone would get better better at sewing after almost 2 months , right ?well , not me :/ + 3 of my final projects involve sewing . *insert extremely sad face here*

4. Been listening to a lot of Taylor Momsen lately . She has a band of her own , incase you didn't know . It's called the pretty reckless . I honestly thought she'd sound like a whiny prepubescent teenage girl , but her songs are actually really really awesome , and she sounds really good :) so you guys should go check her out , if you have time and are into rock .

いまわたしはねます!!

x
ゾイ♥

You're Like A Dream

2010-08-24T01:11:00.002+08:00

1. I think I'm getting better . VERY slowly , but surely . I think it's cause I've been exposed to you quite a bit lately . This wonderment and fascination I have with you is starting to wearing off , and I can't wait til it'll be all gone and you have no control or influence over my decisions so I can ~~move on to someone else and start feeling inferior all over again~~ be my own person ;make my own decisions , and not feel like crap every time i look into the mirror :) But until then , I guess I'll be stuck wish , wanting , hoping , and feeling like shit wishing , wanting , and hoping to be someone else , and yet knowing that the only person I really wanna be is myself .

2. I PASSED MY UNDANGGGG , BEETCCHESSS :D

3. David Choi's album T_T , wannttsss D:

4. College is getting easier :) Well , sort of . Maybe it's just me getting used to it . Better head to bed now :)

zoe

*:) x38210478917414

2010-08-22T01:17:00.003+08:00

I haven't blogged/been online for awhile because my dad didn't pay the internet bill again , but once I'm back , i'll update you about everything . Also , I found this on my facebook wall :D Which made me extremely happy , although I didn't get to see it til tonight , but i'll leave it here for you guys to watch :D Cause OMG , :D

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=419157861898&ref=mf

CLICK PLEAAASEEE ! ♥

zoe

Almost Dead

2010-08-18T00:27:00.004+08:00

That and tonnes of sleep , water , and make up :)

It's amazing : I have no life , and yet , my blog is refusing to be filled with random crappy updates about my life and the going ons of my strange mind--all of which are not beneficial in any way to any sort and form of creature in the universe , dead or alive . That's pretty damn wow , if you ask me :)

Quick update :

I still have no life , and my plans for the rest of August are :

a) find a way to quit job ,

b) finish assignments on time

c) find time to sleep

d) not die (please?)

Finals are coming up soon , and I'm getting pretty damn nervous , so like , wish me.. good grades :)

Also , my colour theory lecturer added me on facebook . I don't know if I should be weirded out or.. not :O Any clue as to what I should be feeling right now ? Cause my brain isn't awake enough to pick out the right emotions for me D: I should be doing my assignments D: Looks like it's another night of sleeplessness for me ! D:

zoe

All Over The World

2010-08-15T00:27:00.006+08:00

"sick.

How do i tell you, i feel like a very big kid beside very tiny you.

How do i tell you, how much my insignificance feels magnified when i am standing by your side with a mechanical smile on my face because you have yours plastered on so perfectly.

How do i tell you how masked up i feel without any makeup on whatsoever. how do i let you know how uncovered and exposed i feel without the false eyelashes, blusher, lipstick, hair done properly, as literally every girl, and the occasional guy even- walks by my down the street everyday.

How do i not make it obvious how i am secretly observing your every eyelash bat, wondering How you drew on that kohl eyeliner and jet black mascara on so perfectly. how do i look without looking, analyze without causing awkwardness, and wonder without looking like too big of a weirdo.

How do i tell you, how nearly every second i am with you, i want to just ask you how you manage to keep your composure so perfectly and appear like a living french, asian doll.

How do i tell you, that the tiniest comments leave the biggest scars and as unintentional as they are to be seriously meant, i intentionally use them to punish myself when i need to hurt.

How do i tell you, that when i give compliments, i really mean it. So when i hear insults, i really think you mean it too and that stings like salt on a raw wound.

How do i tell you, i cannot not analyze every single lady that passes by me from head to toe as i pass down the street and notice every stride they take as i wonder how their legs go long for ages & wish that in a way i too didn't insulate as much as i had with my own damn black tights which feel like they emphasize instead of accentuate.

How do i tell you every bite, digests and breaks down a part of me as Bella's worrying consumes the thoughts, i, am supposed to have.

How do i tell you i do not believe in putting on a thick layer of products to form a mask on the face, because i know deep down inside it's not something that really defines beauty yet feel wrong and out of place as i walk down the street and into any room with a naked face.

How do i tell you how i wish sometimes how i wish like back then, i couldn't have any diverging thoughts like i do now. How i wish sometimes everything in my mind were just one.straight,thin.narrow.road. With not much room for roaming around or exploration, just a direct path as boring as undirectional it might get. Because a curvy, big, and wide road, as interesting as it may be might also be too confusing to follow any directions given whatsoever.

How do i tell myself, when i feel at times that that is the only thought i'm really sure of, that thinkin in that direction is something that will only lead me in the wrong direction.

How do i tell you, that inside, i am really not okay."

I swear , SarahLee , I could not have said or expressed that any better than you have . And although I am extremely happy that I've found someone who feels the same as I do , so that I know I'm not totally alone . I am so sorry that you have to feel that way , because when I feel that way , I am sorry I feel that way too . But just so you know , we're in this together , and somewhere out there , there's another sad girl looking at you the way you're seeing all those other girls and she's feeling just as insecure about herself because she thinks you're the most beautiful , interesting girl in the world and there's no one else that she'd rather be :) Don't forget that you're always gorgeous in my eyes , inside and outside , okayh ?? ♥

I'll post just one more little photo for you because this is what you should be telling yourself every morning when you wake up and look in the mirror to brush your teeth and start the day :)

zoe