Over and Over
I am constantly faced with the same problem, presented in many different ways–what am I here for? What does it all mean? Will I ever be happy with my life?
"Growing up sucks balls," says my mother as she stands over the bathroom sink to wash her face. I have to clarify, but I am paraphrasing very liberally.
Internally, I couldn't agree more, but because she is saying that in context with me moving to Melbourne, I nod like I understand and open my mouth to reply, "Yes, but if you don't let me try, we'll never really know if I'll make it." She snorts and looks at herself in the mirror.
It's true though, growing up sucks. And in a day and age of indecisive youth, I feel like it can't get any worse than this. We're allowed to chase our dreams and be whoever and whatever we want to be, which sounds great and dandy, but what happens to those of us that really don't know?
It would be so much more easy for me if everything had been listed out in a step by step tutorial so I wouldn't have had to make half the decisions I've made. Maybe then I wouldn't be able to blame myself for all the feelings that I have right now.
It's like , the world is my oyster , but I want nothing to do with it but to curl up in my bed and sleep forever.
My dilemma is that I was unhappy with my old job , I quit , I got a new job and now I am unhappy with my new job . Which made me come to the conclusion that I can't just quit something and become instantly happy . What if that means I'll never find happiness in life ? What if I never find something I am really passionate about or wake up wanting to do in the morning ? What if I'm stuck in the same old fucking loop over and over like a piece of shit ?!
Sigh . I'm sorry for the rant . I just need to come and write out my thoughts for a little while to get it off my chest . Looking at the bright side though , at least I don't work in a shitty café and think that that's all to life just because my significant other works there too and it's "cool" .
Growing up does suck .
"Growing up sucks balls," says my mother as she stands over the bathroom sink to wash her face. I have to clarify, but I am paraphrasing very liberally.
Internally, I couldn't agree more, but because she is saying that in context with me moving to Melbourne, I nod like I understand and open my mouth to reply, "Yes, but if you don't let me try, we'll never really know if I'll make it." She snorts and looks at herself in the mirror.
It's true though, growing up sucks. And in a day and age of indecisive youth, I feel like it can't get any worse than this. We're allowed to chase our dreams and be whoever and whatever we want to be, which sounds great and dandy, but what happens to those of us that really don't know?
It would be so much more easy for me if everything had been listed out in a step by step tutorial so I wouldn't have had to make half the decisions I've made. Maybe then I wouldn't be able to blame myself for all the feelings that I have right now.
It's like , the world is my oyster , but I want nothing to do with it but to curl up in my bed and sleep forever.
My dilemma is that I was unhappy with my old job , I quit , I got a new job and now I am unhappy with my new job . Which made me come to the conclusion that I can't just quit something and become instantly happy . What if that means I'll never find happiness in life ? What if I never find something I am really passionate about or wake up wanting to do in the morning ? What if I'm stuck in the same old fucking loop over and over like a piece of shit ?!
Sigh . I'm sorry for the rant . I just need to come and write out my thoughts for a little while to get it off my chest . Looking at the bright side though , at least I don't work in a shitty café and think that that's all to life just because my significant other works there too and it's "cool" .
Growing up does suck .
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